The Bluest Eye
by smilebackwards
Summary: Seth before Ryan. Sandy POV. One shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C. I also don't own _The Bluest Eye_, _To Kill a Mocking Bird_, _The Bell Jar_, _Death of a Salesman_, _Lord of the Rings_, or _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. Now you have to read this to see where I tried to fit all that stuff in.

Summary: Seth before Ryan. Sandy POV

Okay, I've actually never seen an episode of the O.C. but somehow I got hooked on the fandom despite that. Sorry if some stuff is wrong or out of character. I learned all I know about the show from fanfic and I'm not that good of a writer anyway. Help me out and review? No flames, please.

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Seth is very much like Sandy, and sometimes Sandy wishes he wasn't. 

Then he wouldn't have to see how much pain his son is always in. He could be oblivious like Kirsten who thinks the lyrics to Seth's sad, dark emo songs are just words that don't mean anything.

Sandy knows better. He's heard those songs playing so many times he could sing them in his sleep and you don't listen to something like that as religiously as Seth does without feeling it.

No. It's not that he wants to be oblivious and have his son go through this dark strain of adolescence by himself. It's just that he doesn't know how to fix it and it's killing him. It's killing him to see Seth quiet and alone, reading dark books and listening to sad songs when he remembers the happy child that Seth used to be, that he should still be.

Seth tries to hide it. _All good books are dark and depressing, Dad. C'mon, like, look at all the classics. To Kill a Mocking Bird: racism and shooting the innocent dude, The Bell Jar: girl goes crazy, Death of a Salesman: death of a salesman. Okay, so that last one is a play but…_

Sandy's heart clenches. Seth is reading _The Bluest Eye_ and he's back near the beginning when Sandy swears he was almost done with it last time he looked in. Sandy's read that book. It's not a happy one. It's about standards of beauty and not fitting in and trying so hard and god, why can't Seth go back to obsessively reading _Lord of the Rings_?

He knocks softly on Seth's partially open door and his son nods acceptance of his father entering his private domain. There are band posters on the walls and comic books on what seems like every available surface except for a small, sacrosanct place on the dresser where Captain Oats stands.

Seth has closed his book, holding the page with a finger, and is looking inquiringly at Sandy who suddenly doesn't know what to say. So he sits beside his son on the bed and just looks at him for a moment, takes in the dark mop of curls and the still brown eyes that used to dance back when they lived in Berkeley and Seth's life revolved only around his small family who loved him. Now he's growing up and living in the O.C. where image is everything and Seth just doesn't project the same beautifulshallow that people here thrive on.

And Sandy's glad for that because Seth is so much better than that. He just hates the fact that taking the high road leaves his son with that look in his eyes.

The silence isn't awkward yet, but Sandy thinks maybe some of his sadness for Seth is leaking out of his chest because his son is staring at him with those huge, liquid eyes and looking concerned.

Sandy clears his throat but it still feels dry and croaky. "Growing up's tough huh, kid?" he says, and then winces slightly. Seth isn't privy to his inner contemplations and probably has no idea what to make of the odd hanging statement.

But Seth surprises him by smiling, almost as big and adorable as in the before times, his eyes lighting a little like they used to, and leaning forward to hug his father. Sandy feels ridiculously pleased with the affection and the smile and proud that he can bring them out of his withdrawn son just by being there.

Seth's cheek is resting against his collarbone and Sandy pats his dark curls gently, taking in the moment. His son leans back all too quickly. "It's not so bad," Seth tries to assure him but his eyes aren't quite as open and bright as they should be. And now that he's this close Sandy swears he can see the shadow of a bruise on Seth's cheek.

He knows pretending is Seth's way of coping; losing himself in TV shows and comics and emo. Other people's stories. Other people's stories can't hurt you. He breaks things down into TV shows and comic book characters. Seth can make nothing out of anything.

Sandy knows that he enables this habit. He gives Seth money so he can buy other people's bottled pain and ignore his own. And Kirsten smiles when Seth goes out to the comic store or the music store or the pier to be alone because she thinks he's going out to see friends. After all, who goes out to be alone?

Seth does, Sandy wants to yell. But he doesn't want to hurt her so he stays silent.

Sandy is a lawyer so he tackles things piece by piece. He's decided to start with Seth's books. He could handle Seth reading moderately depressing books if they weren't all he read. But they are. So Sandy pulls out a copy of _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ and hands it to Seth. It's still someone else's story but it's frivolous and fun and the things that Seth should be now.

Seth smiles and thanks him. His finger is still holding his place in _The Bluest Eye_ but he puts _The Hitchhiker's Guide_ on his nightstand on top of the other books he was going to read next and Sandy thinks for now that's enough.

And tomorrow he'll buy Seth the rest of the series.


End file.
